


Alone

by FarahDowlingSilva



Series: Not meant to be? [1]
Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Best Friends, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Male-Female Friendship, Romantic Angst, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29592675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarahDowlingSilva/pseuds/FarahDowlingSilva
Summary: A break in between classes, a poem, it's all it takes for Farah Dowling to reflect on her one-sided love.
Relationships: Farah Dowling & Saul Silva, Farah Dowling/Saul Silva
Series: Not meant to be? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174115
Comments: 11
Kudos: 19





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: 
> 
> I do not own these characters or this show, I'm just playing with them and using my imagination.
> 
> Enjoy!

Farah was reading a poem quietly in her office, she had a break in between classes and had decided to use it to read for a change. So here she was, reading ' _Alone_ ' by Edgar Allan Poe, an author she particularly liked. The poem was about loneliness, as the title suggested it. It was sad and Farah found every word beautifully written but there was one line that stayed with her even five minutes after having put the poem down. 'And all I loved, I loved alone'. Farah knew what the speaker meant, she knew they meant that everything they found interest in, nobody else do, therefore nobody shared their life experience. Farah didn't know why, she identified with this. It was strange; she had never felt particularly lonely in her youth. Yes, she was a bookworm and none of the girls in her suite shared the same interest as hers but she had Saul, who, even though didn't share her love for books, seemed to have no problem sitting with her talking about various authors he had never heard of. That was one of the many, many reasons she had liked Saul Silva from day one. He seemed interested in everything; he wasn't like Andreas, who only ever cared about his skills and his hobbies. No, Saul cared about everything, he disliked talking about certain things, yes, but he never had a problem with listening and learning about other subjects. They were very similar in that aspect; she always liked learning, even more so when he taught her.

Farah remembered some days when they would spend hours working on her fighting skills, but he was always so very gentle with her, making sure she was never badly hurt. Then she remembered other days when she and Saul would spend countless hours outside. He would be hitting a punching bag and she'd be sitting not far from him, reading and occasionally commenting on his hits. But apart from her soft, occasional, teasing they would mostly stay silent. Sometimes, he spoke to her and she didn't reply, nose buried too deep in her book. He would laugh and she'd blush but he would never say anything and let her go back to her reading, waving away any apologies and never holding it against her. She was grateful for that.

Grateful _she_ had _him_ in her life. Those evenings were _everything_.

_He was everything._

So, no, she never was lonely in her youth. Even if he didn’t share her interests, he would always care enough to listen. He was her best friend because of that. Because he sat with her, because he cared for her like he would a sister. Farah smiled sadly, ' _cared for her like he would a sister_ ' perhaps that's why the quote reasoned with her so. Because she loved alone. That was the only thing Saul didn't share with her; love. He cared for her like she was his sister but he didn't love her like she loved him. She didn't love him like a brother or a best friend, she didn't love him like she loved Ben. She loved him like she would a lover. She loved his gentle touches and smiles. She loved to hear his laugh and secretly loved it when he made her blush, Gods, she really loved him! She was in love with him. It wasn't a silly crush or a fading love. It was ever-lasting. She had loved him for a long time and she loved him more and more each day. She knew she'd probably love him forever. But she also knew that she'd never get to taste his lips on hers, or wake up next to him, she'd never get to see him ask her out, would never get to sit across from him at a candlelight table. She'd never share romantic dinners with him or walks hand-in-hands under the stars. They'd never share sweet, quiet nights in her -or his- suite. She would never get to grade essays while he sat quietly beside her. She imagined him holding her close while he told her about his 'awful day training first years', whining about how 'disrespectful most of them were' and Farah would laugh at him, telling him about her day in return. Sharing stories about a First year catching fire {They were okay} or one blowing up her classroom, hearing those would make him laugh brightly and he'd suddenly stop whining because he knew how much harder magic was to teach. Then they would vow to stop talking about their students and spend the rest of the evening talking about everything else; books, him, her... She wouldn't care about the subject, just about being held by him, feeling safe and home in his embrace. Farah sighed but those were just dreams because all she loved about him, about them - _about those 'what ifs'_ \- she loved alone.

But she didn't mind alone most of the time.

Alone was safe. Alone wouldn't cause her heartaches. Alone would keep her heart beating -it wouldn't keep it whole but it would keep it beating- that far she knew. But Gods! Alone could hurt too. Alone wasn't painless. Alone was what she was in her office at night, not sleeping past midnight because no one waited for her in her suite. Because the quiet of her office had her feel less alone than she did in her room. Because her office would always be quiet. No matter what. Whether she'd be with someone or without; her office would always be quiet. Always. No one would bring sound. No one could.

No one except him. And he wouldn't dare. Didn't care.

Not enough anyways.

Farah loved him but would never say.

All she loved, she loved alone. Alone in the dark of her office. Alone, lost in her mind. Alone, lost in old photographs of a time when she would have spoken the truth. All the time she loved, she loved alone.

And still she loved him. She loved him, she loved him and loved him so much it hurt. More and more every day, more and more every time she saw him, every time he made her smile. She would love him forever. Her love was _timeless_.

It was also _worthless_.

Worthless because he didn't care. He didn't need her love. He didn't love her anyways. Why would she give him her love? Oh, yeah, because, as the French saying went: 'Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ignore' 'The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of'.

She didn't know why she loved Saul, but Gods she loved him! She didn't deserve him that much she knew. She also knew he didn't love her, not like that, not like she loved him. He didn't love her, would never love her, she knew. She was too broken, too much of a wreck. She wasn't young, she wasn't pretty, she was a workaholic that could never stop for more than two minutes without fearing the world would collapse. He would hate living with that, with her. He would hate the tension she would bring and he would end up hating her. She'd end up losing him altogether and there was one thing Farah couldn't live with; losing his friendship, losing her best friend. Because their friendship was her greatest gift and as long as she had that, she'd never fully be alone.

She had loved him, loved him now, and would love him for forever... but from afar and she was fine with that.

 _All she loved_...

... _She loved **alone**_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> So this was a sad story, no happy ending this time... but it is part of a series that I hope you will read and like.


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